I should have told you
by Lectavist
Summary: Rory goes to his father's grave.
1. Chapter 1

Here's Where I Stand

Disclaimer : I don't own anything, and I don't claim to. This story does contain slash, so If you don't like it don't read it. Flames will be ignored. So…on to the story.

Rory heard everything. He could hear his dad talking to his mother in hushed tones in the middle of the night. They might as well have been shouting. The words cut at his heart like a dagger tipped with poison. He knew well his father loved him, he wasn't so delusional to think the look in his fathers eyes held anything but love, but he knew he could never be the son his father wanted.

"That's it Rory, where're canceling Bravo." It was little comments like that that led Rory to believe that his father would be more then devastated if he turned out to be anything other then a red blooded, sports watching, burping, scratching, heterosexual man. A hollow space formed inside of Rory's chest when he realized that he couldn't be those things for his dad..

Rory did everything in his power to convince himself he wasn't like those people his dad looked down upon. His dad wasn't homophobic , not intentionally. Most of the comments his dad made about gay people were not malicious just ignorant. The poor result of growing up in a different generation. Where standards and norms were different.

Rory now kneeled at the base of a headstone, the marble cold under his fingers as he traced his father's name. Tears were already running down his chin, before he could even begin to start talking.

"Hey, Dad. I…I uh wanted to talk to you about something kind of important. I know that you loved me and that nothing could have changed that, but I kept something from you for about the last six months before you died. I mean I kept it from you for ever but really I didn't even realize I was keeping a secret before then. I wish I could have told you this before you were gone, but I was such a coward. God Dad I miss you.

Dad..Dad I'm Gay. I think I'm ready to start telling people , but I wanted you to know first. Please don't hate me."

Rory completely dissolved into hiccupping sobs and curled himself around the cold stone.

"He wouldn't hate you" The sudden voice in the stillness of the cemetery startled Rory and the realization that his whole confession had been overheard caused his heart to jump into his throat.

"Kerri what are you doing here?"

"I come to talk to dad at least once a month. " A shameful look crossed her face, "I didn't mean to eaves drop, but I'm glad I did. I don't care--you're my little brother and even though I never say it ,I love you. "

Rory just looked up into the face of his big sister in numbness . He looked at her outstretched hand as if it were a foreign object. Kerri shook her head and grabbed his hand. "Come on it's cold lets get you some hot chocolate."

Rory smiled for the first time in a long time as he felt the warmness of his sisters hand in his. "I'd much rather have some coffee.

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This originally was just supposed to be a one shot but I was thinking of making it into a full story. Let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

Here's Where I Stand

Disclaimer : I don't own anything, and I don't claim to. This story does contain slash, so If you don't like it don't read it. Flames will be ignored. So…on to the story.

Rory sat across from his sister in the corner booth of the coffee shop down the block from their house. He was staring at the steam rising from his latte. He had no idea why he couldn't look Kerri in the eye, his whole life he could count on Kerry, I mean he could count on Bridget too but she was always so self involved -his problems usually fell on deaf ears.

"Rory?" Kerri's voice was soft and almost unsure. It struck Rory as odd, Kerri always was sure of her own voice and always knew what to say.

"Kerri, don't!" The tears were involuntarily spilling over his lids as he pleaded with his sister to leave things lay.

"Don't what Rory?" Kerri had tears in her own eyes.

"Don't say its okay and don't say you understand, because you don't. You have never been where I am and trust me it's terrifying. "

Kerri grabbed his hand, "Talk to me Rory! Tell me how you are feeling--I'm here, and I'm sorry that I have been so blind that I didn't see you for who you are."

"I've always been who I am and I've never really hid it, I just ..just I don't know how to describe it."

A strange look crossed Kerri face, and with a little trepidation. "Hey Ror, I hate to ask and don't be mad at me but can I ask You a personal question?"

Rory looked up from his latte with a deer in the headlights look. "Sure go…go ahead."

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Kerri closed her eyes and waited for her brothers wrath, as if closing her eyes would protect her.

Rory Laughed, glad for the distraction, from talking about his feelings.

He smiled and, and let out a breath. "Yeah His name is Bennett. I really like him" Rory was positively beaming.

Seeing her brother so happy took all of the confusion and hurt feeling out of Kerri's heart. Another weird look crossed Kerri's face. Rory noticed the change in his sister's demeanor.

"Have…You, you know, with him?"

Kerri blushed and was ashamed for even asking such a personal question. She knew how it felt when the whole world knows that you are not a virgin.

Rory turned bright red and looked down again.

Kerri backtracked and immediately started to apologize. "I so sorry Rory? That is rude and totally none of my business. Please don't be mad at me.

Rory laughed full out and grabbed Kerri's hand again. "It's okay Kerri. I'm not embarrassed but I am a little ashamed, because I have."

"Why are you ashamed? I've had sex before do you think I should be ashamed too?" Kerri was hurt.

"No Kerri , you have nothing to be ashamed of. That is okay for you, but I always wanted to wait until I was married., but when I realized I was gay, I figured, why deny myself the experience of sharing myself with a person I care about. Especially since, who knows when gay marriage will be legal in this country,"

Kerri couldn't believe how much her little brother had grown up. "So when did you know you were gay?"

Rory threw his head back and emptied his cup, sat it back on the table and began to place with the cardboard sleeve. " I've guess I always knew that I like boys, but the moment I really knew for sure was when I was in that play and met Bennett.

"Do you get butterflies when your with him? Kerri was enjoying the easiness that was developing between her and her brother.

"Yeah, I think I'm falling in love with him" Rory smiled sheepishly.

"Oh Rory, I'm so happy for you!" Kerri was bouncing up and down in her seat. "I think that you being gay is really cool."

"Thanks Kerri"

"So how long have you two been dating?"

"Almost five months." Rory finally seemed at east with talking about his sexuality, at least with his big sister.

"Wow, Rory that is soo wonderful." Kerri was really proud oh little brother. "So how did the two of you become a couple?

"Well like I said, we met while I was in the play. I immediately thought he was the hottest guy ever."

Kerri interrupted his story. "Hearing you say things like that will take some getting used to --it is a little weird, 'He was so hot'. Kerri laughed.. "But continue."

"Bennett has one of those personalities that just draw people in , and I knew that I needed to be close to him. I didn't he was gay at first-he doesn't look or act gay, but then again neither do I. We hung out after rehearsal and I never wanted to leave him. It wasn't romantic until after Dad died. I was really upset one night and I went over to his house to talk and He was so sweet. He held me while I cried. When I finally stopped I looked up into his face and I reanalyzed that he had been crying with me. He asked if I felt any better and then he smiled at me." Rory had tears rolling down his face again. "Oh Kerri his smile makes me melt. The look that he had in his eyes were so genuine, I couldn't help it I reached up and kissed him."

Rory got a far off look on his face, when he was remembering that incredible moment. "It was the first time I had ever kissed a boy and it was the most amazing thing I have ever felt. I pulled away so fast I nearly fell off the couch and started to apologize. Bennett shushed me and said it was okay, that he had wanted to kiss me for awhile but was scared to. I went to kiss him again and then he pulled away, I thought he wasn't interested in me and I wanted to crawl into a hole and die, but then he said that I was mourning and not thinking clearly. He didn't want to take advantage while I was so emotional, and that If I really wanted to kiss him that I could when I was more put together."

Kerri smiled brightly. "I think I like this guy already and I haven't even met him yet."

"I like him too."

Kerri's face became somber, so when are you going to tell Mom."

Rory's expression went blank and his face lost all color, he gave a nervous smile. "There is no time like the present. Will you go with me, I could use your support."

"Of course Ror. It will be okay." Kerri rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb, Mom will understand."

"I hope so."

"Are you sure you are ready to do this, Once you tell people you can't take it back."

"I have to be ready Kerri, I made a promise to Dad." Rory stood up and put on his coat, and threw the tip on their table. "Lets go home, and break Mom's heart."

Kerri put her arm around her baby brothers shoulders and smiled. "It will be okay kid, you got me in your corner.

The next chapter Rory tells Kate.

Please review.

Lectavist


	3. Chapter 3

Here's Where I Stand

Disclaimer : I don't own anything, and I don't claim to. This story does contain slash, so If you don't like it don't read it. Flames will be ignored. So…on to the story.

Kate was sitting at the counter in the kitchen doing a crossword puzzle in the newspaper when her two youngest children came in the back door. "Hey guys, what have been up too?" The smile that had been on her face only seconds ago faded quickly, she could always tell when there was something wrong with her kids- especially Rory, Kate could read him like a picture book. "What 's wrong." There was an inkling of panic on the edge of her voice.

Kerri looked at Rory with a sheepish look, she tried to smile at him to be encouraging.

Kate looked at them, waiting for an answer. " Well ?" When her question was met with only silence, she began to guess what happened. A stray thought struck her brain and she jumped up from her stool and made a bad dash for the backdoor. "Don't tell me you wrecked the van !"

Kerri grabbed her mother's arm and stopped her from running out the back door. "Mom the van is fine.--don't worry.

"Then tell me what is the matter, and don't lie I can tell that something is up." Kate put her hands on her hip and gave her daughter a pointed stare.

Kerri glanced over her shoulder and looked at her brother, he was staring at the floor, with his shoulders hunched. Kerri could see how the burden of keeping his secret was warring him down. He needed to tell their mother the truth , and since it was becoming obvious that he couldn't start the conversation himself Kerri decided to help. She knew she had to nudge him into doing it, which she never would have done had she not truly believed he was ready. Kerri sighed and closed her eyes and in one breath set in motion the chain of events that would totally change her brothers life. She opened her mouth, looked Kate in the eyes and said, "Mom, Rory has to talk to you about something."

Kate turned and looked at Rory and became even more worried when she saw the somewhat defeated look on his face. "Rory, what's the matter."

Rory didn't say anything at all he just walked past his mom and his sister and flopped down on the couch and put his head in his hands. He couldn't believe he decided to do this, He could have forced himself to be with girls, he had kissed them before and it wasn't totally awful. No ! he put that thought away in the back of his mind, beside he had already told his dad and his sister and once you come out of the closet there is no going back in.

Before he could really prepare himself to say those three little words- his mom was sitting next to him on the couch. He felt her warm hand on his back and couldn't help but relax a little.

"What is going on sweetheart?" Kate was at a loss at what to do, her baby was upset and she couldn't figure out why.

Kerri came over and sat down on the other side of her brother and picked up his hand and gave it a small squeeze. This freaked Kate out even more; Kerri and Rory were getting along, whatever it was had to be big and it had to be bad. "Please let me in on what is going on before I lose it." Her voice showed that she was beginning to get rattled.

For the first time in almost ten minutes Rory looked at something other then the floor, unfortunately it happened to be at a picture of him as a baby that was hanging on the wall. His parents had all the hopes and dreams in the world for their little boy and he was about to destroy them. Rory had to laugh despite himself, the picture was crooked. He couldn't help but laugh -- not even his pictures could be straight.

"Is there anyone else home?" Rory's voice cracked under the stress of not talking for so long.

Kate gave a somewhat bewildered look to he son,. " No, Bridget is at the mall, Dad is on a date and CJ went to the movies -why?"

"I have to tell you something important and I don't think that I can do it if there are any disruptions." Rory once again found the floor interesting. He closed his eyes and took a shuttering breath, he decide the only way to do this was like pulling off a band-aid, quick and to the point. "I went to see Dad today."

Kate sighed, "Is that what this is about Honey? We all miss him, it's okay." She went to touch his shoulder again and was a little hurt when he pulled away .

"Mom, please let me finish!" Rory's voice was a little more angry then he had intended for it to be. Seeing the hurt look on his mom's face he apologized. "I'm sorry Mom, it's just that what I have to say is really hard on me and I just want to get it out. "

Sensing he was about to brake Kate let him finish. "Okay Rory, tell me what is on your mind."

Rory took a deep breath and sighed. "I have some big news that I have to share, but I wanted Dad to be the first one I told, so I went to the cemetery and Kerri happened to be there when I told him. I wanted to tell you right after Dad, but." He was fidgeting with a loose sting on a couch cushion.

Kate pulled the pillow away from him. "Rory?"

"Mom, I'm Gay." As the words passed through his lips he began to cry.

Kate sat for a moment with her mouth open , and then pulled Rory into a hug and started to cry herself.

"Oh Honey, don't cry. It's alright."

"You aren't disappointed in me?"

Kate smiled at him through her tears. "Rory, I'm not going to lie to you--I will admit that I am disappointed that some of the things I wanted for you when your were born, are not going to happen now, but I'm not disappointed in you. I am so proud of you, coming out especially at your age take so much courage. Courage that if I were in your shoes I don't think that I would have."

"How do you think Dad would have felt?" Rory broke out in a fresh wave of tears.

"All your father and I wanted and what I still want is to see you kids happy and you can't be happy if you are not being yourself and this is a part of who you are., we would never want your to deny a part of your heart. Rory you are still my baby and will always be no matter who you love." Kate pulled Kerri into the hug as well. "I have the philosophy that love is never a bad thing. We all need it to make it through the day, or else we'd go crazy.

She handed her two kids tissues and then took one herself, she dried off her face and stood up pulling her son and daughter with her. "Come on kids let's go out to dinner and we can talk--everyone else can fin for themselves. Why don't we continue this conversation over pizza, there is so much I need to know.

Next chapter will be up soon kiddies--so review, review, review


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